There'll come a time when you feel her presence. Like a thief in the night, unexpected, at you door, uninvited; knowing that you were wanting someone else. - M.B
Loneliness can creep up on anyone at any point in their lives. When Loneliness enters, it carelessly leaves the door open to other complex emotions; despair, isolation, anger, rejection, and other feelings that are yet to be labelled. I want to shine a light on this emotion. Highlighting the experience of acute loneliness, as that is what I have experienced from time to time. I would like to express that I am not a trained psychologist in any form or manner but am a human being that can empathize with those who have experienced something similar. The way we process our emotions greatly impacts all dimensions of our hauora (well-being). Let me explain.
The time I am most aware of my feelings of loneliness is when I switch from my thriving, and busy, University lifestyle to be back home where it is only my Mother and I. Especially since we moved onto a farm outside of Christchurch.
What did I do when I felt these emotions flow into my conscious? I welcomed them. I allowed myself to become aware of my thoughts, feelings, and behaviour. This helped me to understand why it is easier to stay in bed then to exercise or why I want to distance myself from my Mum. As I dwelled in loneliness, becoming acquainted with it, I could mentally confirm that I was lonely. As I scrolled through a Facebook feed of friends, who had recently graduated, it dawned on me. I wanted people to reach out to me, so that I could be validated in my value. The way others portray themselves in social media is generally happy and loving life. However, I have no idea what these people are feeling. Maybe there are those who are wanting someone to reach out to them, someone who will take the time to show them love. This thought led me to Mahatma Gandhi's quote "be the change that you want to be in the world". There are great people in the world, and if you don't know them then BE one! When you want to feel loved, SHOW love. When you wanted to feel belonging, allow others to belong in your space.
With some of our emotions it is easier for us to get drawn into the cycle of loneliness. There was a day when I felt the true extent of loneliness that I hadn't processed. When my Mum came home from work that day, I went into my room because I didn't want to be around her. It took a lot of courage for me to not let my emotions control me; to keep me in my pit of unhealthy dwelling. My mum came into to ask me some general questions and I mustered enough willpower to speak out against what I was feeling at the time to tell her "I would really like to cuddle up, and watch a movie with you, Mum." From that small statement I was freed from my unlocked cage. I went further and I started to message people to congratulate them on their recent graduations. I reached out to friends who I had been missing due to lack of communication. I poured love onto people that I know and I began to feel good. The ability to love others is a powerful thing.
“Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.” ~ Kurt Vonnegut
Without sounding too cliché; love is the key to life. It melts down the emotions that are not enriching our well-being and overflows into others. By putting yourself aside and loving those around you, there is the likely chance that you too will receive joy from the gift of love. Test it out. Free of charge, today. Smile at someone. Do something kind for someone when they aren't expecting it. Forgive someone for hurting you. Give yourself a compliment. Lead with the heart - the mind and body will follow.
>>Live Simply, Simply Live<< MB
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